Harry Potter and the Evil Conspiracy of They
by Sad Strange Little Girl
Summary: Harry, Ron, & Hermione are back at Hogwarts in their 5th year. Unfortunatly the Conspiracy of They in taking over and Harry can't help because he is an idiot of the worst (and funniest) kind. It's got Mouse Quidditch & Neville thinking that he's gay
1. Title

Harry Potter and the Evil Conspiracy of They  
  
The following fan-fic is rated: Cp For Crazy People (and Cats) only! Harry Potter is not eligible to read this fan-fic because he is not crazy, nor a cat, he is just a stupid, idiotic, loser! 


	2. Chapter 1: Ron, like other 15 year olds ...

Chapter One:  
Ron, like other 15 year-olds has lost his mind and does not know where to find it.   
Could you help him?  
  
Hermione: "Can you believe the writer of that book?   
He said that the goblin raid of Glorfunk was in 1589, on July 3rd,   
but it really was on July 2nd of 1587!   
…Can you believe this nonsense is what they're teaching us?!?!?!"   
Ron: "How did you find that out?"   
Harry: "Darr"  
Hermione: "Well they said…."  
Ron: "Hermione! Don't listen! They're EEVIIILLLL!   
Evil I tell you, evil! Everyone is always saying THEY said this, and   
THEY say that, don't you know they're trying to control the toilets!   
Uh.. um…I mean the world!"  
Harry: " You mean that they want to make the toilet flush on and   
on to make the cold water go away and make Dumbeldore scream like Ginny?"  
Ginny: "I heard that!"  
Hermione: " Okay, great, my boyfriend has finally lost it.   
I knew that Harry was a bad influence. Oh my gosh!   
I've spent time with Harry too! I'm going to go insane!" 


	3. Chapter 2: Ron has started the Conspirac...

Chapter Two:  
Ron has started the Conspiracy-Buster Club  
  
Ron: "I've decided to make a club strictly devoted to warding   
off evil conspiracies. Introducing the Conspiracy-Buster Club!   
Mwahahaha cough cough cough!"  
Hermione: "Alright, I'll join your club, but only because you joined S-P-E-W!"  
Harry: "Not spew again, I'm sick of vomit."  
Hermione: "Not 'spew'! It's S-P-E-W! BEEP!"  
Neville: "Hermione my love, how could you say that?"  
Hermione: "Eww, gross!"  
Neville: "I guess Harry's brain didn't help. I guess it just didn't   
have enough charisma for her. Oh my, I just thought Harry had charisma.   
I must be gay!"  
Neville went off crying. 


	4. Chapter 3: The search for They

Chapter Three:  
The Search For They  
  
Ron: "What should we do, Hermione?"  
Harry: "I think we should sit on the hot concrete until we melt like taffy!"  
Ron: "Good idea!"  
Hermione: "Come on, let's be serious! I think we should search for they!"  
Ron: "Good idea!"  
Neville walks in.  
Neville: "I'm gay!"  
Lee Jordan: "Then kiss me!"  
Neville: "No, but I'll go on a date with you."  
Ginny: "Hi Neville, I um…uh was wondering um... uh...   
if you would uh...go on a date?"  
Neville: "Sure! Love to!"  
Lee Jordan: "He dumped me for a, a GIRL!"  
Hermione: "Let's get going! Neville, Ginny, do you want to come?   
We're going to search for the evil conspiracy of they."  
Ginny and Neville: "Okay."  
As they were walking down the corridor from the Dorms   
Harry started cartwheeling down the hall and banged his head into a door.   
It had Latin written on it.  
Hermione: "Let's go in here!"  
Ron: "But it's locked!"  
Hermione: "Honestly! Are you a wizard or not? Alohamora!"  
The door opened and Harry rushed in.  
Neville: "Wait up Harry!" 


	5. Chapter 4: The room of 104 doors

Chapter Four:  
The Room of 104 Doors  
  
When they walked in all their mouths dropped wide open  
Hermione: "Oh, I read about this in Hogwarts, a History,   
it's the room of 104 doors! The only person who ever found it was a   
12th-century wizard named Neville Harrison the third."  
Neville: "I think I was named after him."  
Ginny: "I think we should start opening doors so we can find they!"  
Ron: "Good idea, sis!"  
Harry: "I wonder if we'll find some cheese? I'm hungry!"  
Hermione: "Harry, will you please stop thinking about your   
un-natural cheese cravings?"  
Harry opened the first door he saw.  
Harry: "Wahoo! Cheese!"  
Ron: "Huh?"  
There was a maze made out of cheese in front of them, with a man who   
looked like Dumbledore standing in the middle.  
Man: "Hello! Welcome to the wonderful, wondrous stinky cheese maze!"  
Hermione: "Stinky Cheese…"  
Harry: "Gandalf! You're alive!"  
Man: "Uh…"  
Harry jumped up and tried to bite off a piece of the wall,   
but he just hung there.  
Man: "Is there something wrong with your friend there?"  
Ron: "Oh, Neville stole his brain. He doesn't usually   
act like this. He usually acts much worse. We're really   
glad he doesn't have it anymore, he's now much more sensible."  
Hermione: "What is at the end of this maze?"  
Man: "Good question, young lady. At the end of the   
maze there lies a fabulously huge piece of smelly magic cheese from Germany!"  
Harry rushed into the maze to find the cheese. He came   
back with a huge chunk of Limburger clenched in his teeth.  
Harry: "It's mine you hear! Mine, all mine!"  
Ginny: "Harry, step away from the cheese. Set it   
down and back away from the cheese."  
Harry: "Never! You just want to eat it yourself!   
No one can take my darling Petunia! No one!"  
Ginny: "Petunia?"  
Harry: "Yes! My Cheese Queen Petunia! She and I shall   
rule this world and everything in it! Mwahahaha!"  
Hermione: "Let's keep looking."  
She opened a door and inside was her and Neville at twenty with   
Neville proposing marriage to her.  
Hermione: "Well that's just wrong."  
Ron: "What is?" He went over to look.  
Ron: "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" He slammed the door shut. Neville came over to look.  
Neville: "Oh I wish."  
Ginny: "Neville! How could you?"  
She hit him.  
Neville: "Ow! Sorry."  
They opened up another door. Inside it stood the opposite   
versions of everyone, opposite facial features, personalities,   
everything except for gender.  
Neville: "Hermione, you look really hot with makeup. Ow!"  
Ginny had hit him on the head again.  
Hermione: "Excuse me, could you tell us where they are?"   
To her surprise, it was parallel Harry who answered.  
P. Harry: "Well you see, they don't really exist, but yet they do,   
but yet they can't because of Avonde's third law, and…" And yet   
again, they shut the door. Hermione was getting really sick of this.  
Hermione: "Okay, you, yeah you Harry! You don't touch anything.   
I'm picking the next door!"  
Ron: "Quidditch!"  
Inside there was a Quidditch game going on,   
\except there were a bunch of mice playing. Instead of the   
Quaffle they had a ball of goat cheese. Instead of Bludgers they had balls   
of limburger, and instead of the Golden Snitch they had the Golden Swiss.   
Harry: "More cheese!"  
He jumped onto the playing field. Luckily the Mouse seekers caught him   
before he splatted on the ground.  
Ginny: "Come on!  
After much more failed attempts, they came to the last two doors.   
One had a sign on it with something written on it: tuoediH syehT fO ycaripsnoC livE ehT.   
It even had a notice on the door reading: "If you are having trouble   
reading this sign, read it backwards."   
Ginny: "That sign probably is a warning, we shouldn't go in."  
Ron: "There's the last door, it must be it!" 


	6. Chapter 5: Cartoons, cartoons everywhere...

Chapter Five:  
Cartoons, cartoons, everywhere, now Harry's starting to really get in my hair.  
  
  
Harry: "Yay! Cartoonies!"  
Ron: "What?"  
Hermione: "Hi Tweety!"  
Tweety: "I tawt I taw a Tupid Wizard!"  
Hermione: "You did, you did see a stupid wizard."   
There was complete chaos in this world. On the left while   
Gir was scarfing down chicken with Dib, ZIM was creating   
another diabolical plan, Timmy was wishing for more things, and   
Dee-Dee was ruining another one of Dexter's experiments.   
As they were about to go back they heard someone scream "No!!!!! Not the Piggies!!!!!"  
Grr: "Master, where'd last piggy go?"  
Ron: "Let's get out of here!"  
Hermione: "I am absolutely sick of this! I have   
half a mind to go on without you four!"  
Harry: "Hermione, why do have only half your mind?"  
Ron: "If that's what she does with half her mind,   
imagine what she'd do with a whole one!"  
Hermione: "Be quiet! I'm trying to figure out what to do!"  
Ginny: "Well it's obvious, isn't it?"  
Hermione: "What is?"  
Ron: "It's the last door. It even has   
"The Evil Conspiracy of They" written on it."  
Neville: "Well let's get going then!"  
As soon as that was said Neville tripped   
over his robes and fell face-first into the bowl   
of pudding Harry had been carrying around that no one had noticed before. 


	7. Chapter 6: Encounter with Master Pinecon...

Chapter Six:  
Encounter with Master Pinecone  
  
Hermione: "Okay, there's the door. Let's go!"  
When they walked in they were amazed at what they saw.  
Ron: "Omigosh! The room, its, its so plain!"  
Harry: "No! The normalcy of it! It's killing me!"  
After Harry had been pretending to melt for about   
five minutes and even Ginny had stopped taking pleasure   
in watching him melt someone dressed as a pinecone walked into the room.  
Pinecone Impersonator: "Hello! I am Master Pinecone."  
Ginny: "Master Pinecone? Hmm. Where have I heard your name before?"  
Master Pinecone: "Well, do you know the Muffin Man?"  
Ron: "The Muffin Man?"  
Master Pinecone: "The Muffin Man."  
Hermione: "Who lives on Drewry Lane?"  
Master Pinecone: "Yes, him. He's my brother. You might have heard of me from him."  
Hermione: "What are you doing here? I thought only They lived here."  
Master Pinecone: "Yes they do, but I am not one of them." 


End file.
